ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I hosted a small birthday party for my husband at a restaurant. Our guests were a couple and a single man. The couple asked if we wanted to order a number of small plates, meant for sharing. The rest of us preferred to order our own entrees.

The couple then proceeded to order quite a few of the small plates, asking us if we would share them (we again said no) and then saying she was ordering "for the table."

The three of us ate our entrees, the couple ate less than half of what they ordered, and asked for boxes so they could take home "their" leftovers. They then ordered dessert.

I was gracious and said nothing, but wondered how (and if) I should have responded when our guests deliberately ordered twice as much as they could eat. This is a restaurant where they dine frequently and are well aware of the portion sizes.

I was surprised by this behavior and felt taken advantage of, and I don't plan to invite them again. Should I have handled this differently?

GENTLE READER: To her horrified astonishment, Miss Manners has received a number of letters reporting that guests are taking gross advantage of hospitality by cadging future meals. It has happened not only in restaurants -- where the host may be stuck with a bill for food that does not even appear on the table, but was secretly requested -- but at home dinners, where leftovers that have not been offered are nevertheless commandeered to take home.

As the truly destitute are not likely to receive such invitations, this petty thievery is simply an abuse of hospitality and an insult to those who have offered it. Striking the perpetrators from polite society is, indeed, the only way to handle it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it rude to read over someone's shoulder?

GENTLE READER: More likely infuriating. If you try to do so and the reader's shoulders hunch up, Miss Manners advises you to stop immediately.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have always been persnickety about being on time. I leave for a meeting or appointment with enough buffer time for minor transit or parking delays, and consider it disrespectful of other people's time to be late.

I recognize, however, that this is not the social norm, and don't want to negatively judge people for arriving within the window that is generally accepted as being "on time."

How much time may pass before someone is considered late?

GENTLE READER: For what?

Business meetings should start on time. Only the person who brings home-baked treats is forgiven for bursting in a few minutes late.

Social events tend to allow a tiny bit of leeway, even though the host then has to listen to tedious descriptions of the traffic. But at ceremonial events such as weddings and funerals, you are expected to be seated and quieted down at the time the event is supposed to begin -- only it doesn't, because of the latecomers. Miss Manners commends you for not being one of them.

========

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN