Woman Spreads Details About Friend's Relationship
DEAR HARRIETTE: Last weekend, I went to a gathering at my friendÕs house. While there, one of the people present asked how IÕve been, since she'd heard I was going through a rough time. I must have looked confused, because she proceeded to share intimate details about a rough patch I experienced with my ex. This is a woman IÕve met maybe twice, and we are not friends. I was floored that someone I barely know could tell me the details of my life so precisely. The host, my friend, then walked over and clarified: ÒTheyÕre not together anymore.Ó
I was astounded. Before I could gather my thoughts or think clearly, I snapped at my friend and left before she had a chance to respond or apologize. I wasnÕt in the mood to hang out after that violation of privacy. While I feel justified in my reaction, maybe I shouldnÕt have disrespected my friend in her home in front of other friends. Should I reopen the conversation and acknowledge that or wait for her to come to me? -- Broken Trust
DEAR BROKEN TRUST: Take a deep breath and be still. Your friend absolutely violated your trust, and you have every reason to be upset. The woman who regurgitated everything to you was wrong as well. She sounds like a busybody. What you have learned from this scenario is that you cannot trust your friend to keep your confidence. Sad, but true. Unfortunately, this is often true. Many people have other people they share secrets with in addition to you. Once you say something to someone else, it isnÕt guaranteed to be confidential.
That said, if you want to say anything to your friend, you can reach out and let her know how deeply she violated your trust. Ask her not to share any of your business with anyone else.
DEAR HARRIETTE: IÕve been a career coach and mentor for a long time. More than a year ago, a young man I met through a former colleague asked for my support and guidance as he tries to develop his own career. He doesnÕt have much experience and has struggled to keep the few jobs he has managed to get over the years. He is sensitive to criticism and strays from commitment and, thus, accountability. Those are key elements to building a strong resume and trust with employers.
As I get to know him, I realize heÕs a bit of a know-it-all. When I ask him about things heÕs not knowledgeable about, instead of saying that, heÕll tell me about something slightly related that he does know about. When I ask him about his past experiences (academic or professional), he often lies and over time, the answers change. I encourage him to be honest with himself, first and foremost, and with me if he truly wants my help, but nothing seems to change. How can I help this mentee? -- Building Blocks
DEAR BUILDING BLOCKS: Be direct with him. Tell him you cannot help him if he isnÕt honest with himself and you. Reflect to him a list of points of dishonesty, and note how they negatively impact his integrity and reputation. Ask him how he wants to be known and what he can do to match the person he sees in the mirror.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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