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I'm All Pumped Up

Humor / Tracy Beckerman /

This time last year, I struggled with my New Year's resolution to go to the gym.

This year I have made significant progress. I am going to the gym on a semiregular basis. And by "semiregular," I mean that I go often enough that I actually remember where it's located between visits.

The bad news, however, is that my workouts are just -- how ...Read more

Blonde on Horseback pt. 1

Humor / Jokes /

A blonde from California decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem ...Read more

Dusty Housekeeping

Humor / Jokes /

My mom is a less than fastidious housekeeper.

One evening my dad returned home from work, walked into the kitchen and teased her, "You know, dear, I can write my name in the dust on the mantel."

Mom turned to him and sweetly replied, "Yes, darling, I know. That's why I married a college graduate."

Computer Husband

Humor / Jokes /

I'm sending you this letter in a bogus software company envelope so you'll be sure to read it. Please forgive the deception, but I thought you should know what's been going on since your computer entered our lives two years ago.

The children are doing well. Tommy is 7 now and is a bright, handsome boy. He has developed quite an interest in the ...Read more

Silence a Necessity

Humor / Jokes /

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping."

Naughty Cat

Humor / Jokes /

Signs that your cat is hanging around with the wrong crowd:

One day, without your permission, he gets his ears pierced.

Your credit card is overcharged, mainly for "9-Lives."

You find attached to the refrigerator a note that reads: "Leave a steak on the front porch at midnight, or you'll never see Spot again."

Too many times a week your cat ...Read more

How Liam Neeson And Pamela Anderson Navigated The Sex Scene In “The Naked Gun”

Humor / Jokes /

Legendary actor Liam Neeson reveals that he and Pamela Anderson take part in a threesome in “The Naked Gun,” which marked Neeson’s first time working with an intimacy coordinator on set.

Dame Judi Dench: The Ultimate Collection | The Graham Norton Show

Humor / Jokes /

1 hour and 30 minutes of pure LEGEND! Watch Britain's most beloved Dame deliver her wittiest quips, most charming anecdotes, and ICONIC moments from the red sofa! From Bond secrets to royal revelations, it's Dame Judi at her absolute FINEST! 🎭🍷 Prepare to be thoroughly entertained by acting royalty!

Dummy Hypnotises Ventriloquist | Live at the Apollo | BBC Comedy Greats

Humor / Jokes /

Nina Conti and her good friend Monk demonstrate the perils of mixing ventriloquism and hypnotism.

Don Rickles' Top Ten Insults For Dave | Letterman

Humor / Jokes /

Mr. Warmth delivers the ultimate insults to Dave. (From "Late Show," air date: 2/5/96)

Olivia Carter: The Rules of Dating, Working at an STD Center | The Tonight Show

Humor / Jokes /

Comedian Olivia Carter talks about the rules of dating, what it was like to work at an STD center and why she doesn't like her brother's fiancée.

Norm Macdonald jokes about the Future of the Earth

Humor / Jokes /

Norm Macdonald jokes about the Future of the Earth

Jerry Zezima/Jerry Zezima/TNS

Jerry Zezima: Between a rock and a good place

Humor / Humor Columns /

With apologies to Mick Jagger, my kidneys have produced more rolling stones than he’s ever had. That’s why I got satisfaction from a radiology report showing that my career as a rock star could mercifully be over.

On orders from my urologist, who must feel like a miner because he has excavated more than half a dozen stones from my kidneys ...Read more

Basic Training

Humor / Jokes /

The story went something like this:

Seargeant: When you are scared, what do you do?

Recruit: Keep on fightin'

Seargeant: Good for you. And now they shoot off your right ear...what then?

Recruit: Keep on fightn'!

Seargeant: Excellent. But now they also shoot off your left ear, what then?

Recruit: Then I can't see.

Seargeant: Can't see? ...Read more

Names and Puns

Humor / Jokes /

I Want to Help: Abel N. Willin
Smart Beer Making: Bud Wiser
Genie in a Bottle: Grant Wishes
Fifty Yards to the Outhouse: Willy Makit and Betty Woant
Tinseltown Tales: Holly Wood
Ready...Set...: Sadie Word
Raising Flowers By Hand: Flo Wrist
Skunks in the Shrubbery: P. Yew
I'm Fine: Howard Yu <...Read more

Tough Exam

Humor / Jokes /

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.

The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."

...Read more

Ahmed the Manager

Humor / Jokes /

After one of the machines at work suddenly went on the fritz, our boss called the repair service and asked to speak to the manager, Ahmed.

"Hello, Ed speaking. How can I help you?" said the guy who answered the phone.

"Sorry," said my boss. "I was looking for Ahmed."

"This is Ahmed," came the reply. "How can I help you?"

"I thought ...Read more

Wise Schoolteacher

Humor / Jokes /

A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home.

Scooby-Doo - SNL

Humor / Jokes /

Things go off the rails as Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy and Scooby-Doo (Jake Gyllenhaal, Sabrina Carpenter, Sarah Sherman, Mikey Day, Andrew Dismukes) attempt to solve a mystery.

Jack Black singing War Pigs | The Tonight Show with Jay Leno

Humor / Jokes /

Jack Black sings Black Sabbath's War Pigs on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno" (5/19/11)

 

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