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Dear Annie: My best friend, "Claire," has been dating her boyfriend, "Jay," for three years. I really liked him when they first started dating, but lately, she's been confiding in me about some things that are making me a little nervous. For example: Jay goes through her phone, gets angry when she spends time with friends and even will criticize her appearance. She always makes excuses for him, which only worries me more.

She's mentioned that she's stopped seeing other friends because they are always telling her to break up with Jay, so I'm hesitant to tell her how I really feel.

I'm worried though. I know she needs to see this for what it is, but how do I help her without making her shut me out? -- Concerned Friend

Dear Worried Friend: These are some pretty serious warning signs, and you're right to be worried. The first thing you should do is let her know you'll always be there to support her -- no matter what. Then, share what you've been seeing.

Don't use scary words like "abusive"; instead, point out specific behaviors that made you concerned. Let her know there are other options, like calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

It's possible she won't be ready to open up the first time, but knowing that you're a safe space for her will help give her the courage to open up to you when she's ready.

Dear Annie: I'm a 66-year-old man. My fiancee and I have been together for over 35 years. I know we should be married by now, but she tells me she would say no to marriage.

I'm retired and working part time just to have something to do. I start early, as does my fiancee. She works every day for a few hours first thing in the morning. Most days, I work six to eight hours, maybe three to four days a week. She never seems happy when I get home. I have my free time with my friends, as does she.

I just can't figure out why she is so miserable. I ask to no avail. She always seems happier when I put money into our joint "house account" to pay our bills. We split our expenses. Neither of us has stepped out on the other. I'm happy with my life, but I feel that she is not, and I'm at my wits' end. Some days, I go for a 3 to 5 mile walk to get away. What am I to do? -- Lost in Translation

Dear Lost: Two things immediately stand out to me. First, your fiancee has told you she'd say no to marriage after more than three decades with you -- and yet, she still accepted your proposal and wears the title of "fiancee." Second, the only time you notice her seeming happier is when you've just deposited money into a shared account. These are two big red flags you'd be remiss not to consider.

You've asked why she seems unhappy. Either she doesn't know how to express to you what she's feeling deep down, or she's grown content with the way things are, even though it doesn't feel fulfilling to you. What is clear is that you're not happy. The fact that you literally have to walk away from the relationship says as much.

No matter how long a couple has been together, successful relationships require communication. Right now, things seem out of sync. A check-in about how you both see the future and what kind of partnership you want at this point in your lives is way overdue. A few sessions with a couples counselor, even if it's only for the short term, could help you both find the words in a safe space to reconnect.

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Annie Lane's second anthology -- "How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.