ArcaMax

Dear Annie: My wife and I have a milestone anniversary coming up. We plan on renting a large home in the south of France for a month and inviting family and close friends to celebrate with us. Some family members and friends know of our intentions and are excited to join us.

The cost to rent this villa for a month is $25-30,000, not including food. We've checked around, and this appears to be the going price and we really like the place. Would it be in bad taste to ask for donations to help offset the cost of this home? We wouldn't expect people to pay the going rate for lodging, but anything would be appreciated. Thoughts? -- I Hate to Beg

Dear I Hate to Beg: Generally, if you're the host, it's expected that you'll foot the bill for the accommodations, especially since those coming are already taking on travel and other expenses just to celebrate you. If financial help is truly necessary, you might want to pose this less as an anniversary trip and more as a group vacation you and your wife are spearheading.

Be upfront from the jump. Share what villa you've landed on with your guests and invite them to join if they can. Something along the lines of, "We're covering as much as we're able to. Anything you can contribute is appreciated but not expected," should do the trick.

Ultimately, if you and your bride are organizing the trip and have your hearts set on this home, you both should be prepared to carry most of the cost.

Dear Annie: I find it pretty difficult to talk to my mom about anything lately. Every time I try to talk to her about anything, it turns into an argument. She wants to bring up my past and what I've been through with my son's biological father. She always wants to bring up my past trauma and thinks it's going to affect me differently somehow. All it does is make me angry and yell at her because she wasn't there to protect me.

How do I let things go and try to have a better relationship with my mom and not have this affect my relationship with my new husband and son? -- Heartbroken Daughter

Dear Heartbroken: It makes sense that you want to look forward instead of backward when it comes to your relationship and your son. Your mom needs to know what you do and don't want to talk about -- and that if she doesn't respect your wishes on this, then you won't be conversing at all. You get to choose what topics are safe when it comes to rebuilding your relationship with her.

Your son needs you to choose the present, not dwell on the past, so it's OK -- even necessary -- to explain this to your mom.

========

Annie Lane's second anthology -- "How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.