ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Increasingly these days, both men and women wear T-shirts with messages, mottos and insults emblazoned on them. Presumably, at least part of the intent is to communicate something. I enjoy looking at them and trying to decipher the messages.

However, to do so with women may involve a prolonged and possibly unwanted stare at ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my husband and I got married over a decade ago, there was no bridal shower or wedding reception. We started to plan a reception, but it was canceled by his aunt and my mother; they did not ask me or my husband. They promised to plan a reception for us later, but never did.

All we wanted was a simple potluck, and we were ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attend a small college of about 550 students. Although I am on friendly terms with many of them, my close friend group is about five people.

Lately I've been dealing with clingy folks who don't give me space. They will demand conversations as late as 11 p.m., walk with me wherever I go, and whenever they see me, they want ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A person I have known for many years has just been arrested and charged with horrific crimes. I would not say we were ever close friends, just cordial acquaintances. It seems likely this person will not walk free again for many years, if ever.

I want to reach out and write a letter to them in jail. What would be appropriate ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Some time ago, one of my wife's nephews (a grown man in his 40s) came across an opinion I had written in a digital publication. He didn't like it, so he insulted me in the public commentary section. I shrugged it off.

The next day, he went hunting online for another opinion of mine he didn't like, and insulted me again so ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Twice in the past few months, when tidying up the spare room after overnight guests, I have found a guest's garments left behind.

With a scarf or a shirt, this situation seems easily resolved: Drop the item at the post office with a quick note telling the guest how lovely it was to see her, and how we hoped she hadn't missed ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If I found my that my wife and I were to be seated separately at a party, I would move my place card or leave the party with her.

There are two primary duties that married couples -- and, arguably, dating couples -- have that supersede their "duty" to the host of a gathering: protection of and fidelity to their spouse, ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A very dear friend is getting married in eight weeks. She and her betrothed compromised and negotiated a great deal to finalize the guest list, and 10 people didn't make the cut. Unfortunately, she mistakenly invited those persons to her bridal shower.

I explained that they may feel slighted at being invited to the shower, ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When we have a large family dinner, between 10 and 21 people, there is one child whose parents allow her to be on her tablet, with volume on high. She comes into the house, whizzes by everyone present and goes directly to the table to set up her tablet.

I disapprove of this, and feel that the host or hostess needs to express ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughters play competitive soccer. It is understood, and often in the rule book, that the parents of one team sit on one side of the field and the parents of the other team sit on the other side.

Several times over the years, parents from the other team have sat on our side. Usually it's not a big deal, but sometimes it ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My stepson is a successful novelist. I'm reading an advanced copy of his new book, which is brilliant, but contains a neurodivergent character that doesn't ring quite true to me. (I'm neurodivergent, if that matters.)

In a recent conversation, I complimented him on his truly wonderful book, but when I tried to talk about this...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After 25 years at the same company, my role was eliminated by the parent corporation. When it comes to former co-workers, who should call whom after such a job loss?

I consider this something like a sympathy situation, and wonder if the remaining employees should call or write me to offer their support. If I should want to ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have visited a dear friend a few times over the years, and each time, I am greeted with a lovely guest room: comfortable bedding, fresh flowers and fluffy towels, all of which made my stay extra special.

When she visited me for the first time, I was excited to put together a similar experience for her. But I was rather ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Too often for my comfort, I find myself at the bottom of a staircase, escorting a woman upstairs. My instinct is to let the woman go first, but the unfortunate result is that when I follow her up the stairs, my eyes are at the level of her bottom.

The situation is even more complicated if short skirts are part of the equation...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are good friends with a couple who were kind enough to cook us some delicious food. They brought back ingredients from their country of origin the last time they visited family there, and made us a dish using a recipe from their grandma. They even went to the trouble of freezing the dish so they could give us ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I need to know if I am justified in feeling miffed.

Let me set the scene: I was the second of three people waiting in line to pay for our purchases at a local shop in our small town. The proprietor was the cashier, known to all of us.

First Person in Line was having a spirited conversation while her purchases were wrapped ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have changed from working at a veterinary clinic in a lower socioeconomic area to one in a more affluent area. I have noticed that when I refer my patients to the local specialist hospital, the hospital staff members are much more polite and respectful than they were when I called from my old clinic.

This upsets me on ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was on a tennis team and was eliminated during a tournament. I was supposed to play two matches: I played one and won, but then got injured and bowed out of my second match. I then recovered, but still didn't get to play in the remaining matches.

We had a very strong team, so I knew I wouldn't play much, but thought I would...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I just moved into a new home, and I wanted to keep that information private at the place where I am temporarily working. I'm not particularly close to anyone there. Several people are nice to me, but not to the point of being friends.

Well, word got out about my house, and now several people have invited themselves over or ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Suppose Miss Jones marries Mr. Smith and decides, for whatever reason, to retain her maiden name. She is still deserving of the married honorific, is she not?

Is "Mr. Smith and Mrs. Jones," therefore, the proper form to put on an envelope, to be followed by street address, city and state?

GENTLE READER: Deserving? "Deserving...Read more