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We live in uncertain times. It's a phrase we keep hearing, whether we're talking about climate change or politics. But aren't all times uncertain? We could time-travel to declare uncertainty during the Great Depression, the Civil Rights Movement of the 1960s and the COVID-19 pandemic. Uncertain times are just called life, which is why I wanted to talk to Allison Carmen. She has learned to thrive in uncertainty by making the word "maybe" her friend.

Carmen is an author and a TEDx speaker as well as the chief financial officer and general counsel at the Motherhood Center of New York. Her book "The Gift of Maybe" is really a gift to anyone struggling in uncertain times. Her insights and advice come from genuine understanding as she shares the journey of what she calls her "addiction to certainty."

As a teenager, Carmen was certain that if she grew up to be a lawyer, make good money and marry a great guy that she would live happily ever after. She reached her goal. Two weeks after she was married, she started a job at a big law firm. She described that feeling of everything falling into place like the opening credits of the Mary Tyler Moore Show, an old sitcom that opens with Mary walking down a busy city street while Sonny Curtis sings "You're gonna make it after all..."

However, instead of happily ever after, Carmen simply had set the scene for what the literary world calls an inciting incident. That's the beginning part of a novel or movie when something happens to the main character that throws her world off-kilter and sets the story in motion. It would send Carmen on a journey of incredible personal growth.

On Carmen's second day at the law firm, half of the firm's first-year lawyers were fired. The announcement jolted her, and she understood it was naive to assume stability. Oh, and that great guy she married? He ultimately left her.

Sometimes in life, the bottom simply drops out. "I started not sleeping," Carmen said; the anxiety and stress were overwhelming for her. She tried meditation, too, but said, "the minute something uncertain happened, I spun out."

Carmen started taking qigong, a Chinese system of physical exercises and breathing control related to tai chi. It was the Qigong master who told her the Taoist story of the farmer. It goes like this:

"One day, a farmer's horse ran away. His neighbor came by and said, 'You have the worst luck.' The farmer replied to the neighbor, 'Maybe.' The next day, the horse returned with five mares, and his neighbor came by and said, 'You have the best luck.' The farmer replied, 'Maybe.' The day after that, the farmer's son was riding the horse and fell off and broke his leg, and the neighbor came by and said to the farmer, 'You have the worst luck.' The farmer replied, 'Maybe.' The next day, the army came looking to draft the boy for combat, but he could not go because his leg was broken. The neighbor came by and said, 'You have the best luck.' Again, the farmer said, 'Maybe.'"

When Carmen heard that story, she recalled, "My entire life changed in that moment."

That doesn't mean that her stress magically melted away. She went home to the same uncertainties that kept her up at night. The difference was that when she felt herself spinning out, she remembered the story of the farmer and challenged her anxiety by thinking, "Maybe everything's OK."

We are so absolute about our doubts and our fears -- but if life is truly uncertain, Carmen said, "so are our doubts or our fears." Over time, she started to see that if she really wanted her life to change, it had to happen in the unknown. "Uncertainty is my best friend," she said.

When the 2008 financial crisis started to cripple her business clients, she started to share her lessons of "maybe" with others. When we hold space for "maybe" during tough times, it lets in just enough light that we recognize opportunities and can problem-solve practically while holding on to hope. She coached her clients in the "maybe mindset" and watched them weather the financial crisis creatively.

I asked her what "maybe" meant in terms of our current political landscape. How can we embrace the "maybe mindset" without disregarding the very real bloodshed and hard times happening in our world?

"We can't turn our backs on what we're seeing," she said. But she also stressed that when we believe that we're doomed, it doesn't always inspire us to action. People can get paralyzed by the anxiety of it and think that certainty lies in what we fear.

Instead, Carmen says we have to remember that "nobody knows the future." It's important to understand what's going on in the world and to find ways to contribute to solutions, but "Don't let anyone sell you the end," Carmen said.

Carmen believes the strongest person in the room is the dreamer, the one who hopes. We can hold space for this hard moment, these uncertain times, and also know that uncertainty is our best friend. Carmen urges us to acknowledge, "that until our last breath, there's hope." She added, "don't let anyone take your hope away."

Watch Allison Carmen's TEDx Talk Overcoming Our Addiction to Certainty: The Maybe Mindset and read her book The Gift of Maybe: Finding Hope and Possibility in Uncertain Times.

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Do you know anyone who's doing cool things to make the world a better place? I want to know. Send me an email at Bonnie@WriterBonnie.com. Check out Bonnie's weekly YouTube videos at https://www.youtube.com/bonniejeanfeldkamp. To find out more about Bonnie Jean Feldkamp and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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