Graduation party etiquette: Where guests and grads go wrong

Rachel Hutton, The Minnesota Star Tribune on May 13, 2026

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MINNEAPOLIS -- As graduation season approaches, we checked in with etiquette instructor Nicki Black of Polished and Beyond in Plymouth, Minnesota, for tips on how to be a gracious graduate and polite guest.

Involving graduates in party planning, and reviewing expectations for their behavior, reinforces skills they’ll need in adulthood, Black noted. She also shared suggestions for making smooth introductions, ideas about what to write in a card and the typical amounts of cash guests enclose. This interview was edited for length and clarity.

Q: Let’s start with the graduation ceremony. How can students gracefully navigate the fraught scenario of having more aspiring attendees than tickets?

A: Be upfront with those who won’t be included so they understand you would really like to have them attend the ceremony, but there is a limit. You don’t want them hearing it through the grapevine. You can also see if the ceremony is going to be available online, or invite them to the graduation party.

Q: Why should graduates shoulder some responsibility for planning their party? What tasks might they take on?

A: It’s a good opportunity for them to learn important life skills, and they’ll enjoy the party more, and be more invested in it, if they do things like help plan what food is going to be served, decide where to have the event or help send the invitations.

Q: What hosting tips do you have for graduates?

A: Make sure to greet everybody as they arrive. It’s almost like at a wedding, where you say hello and let them know you’re so thankful they came and were able to celebrate with you.

Q: While it can be tempting to cluster with your besties, gracious party hosts mingle with all their guests. What’s the best way to make introductions?

A: You start by sharing one another’s names, going back and forth, and then giving a little bit of context, saying how you know each person. And if you’re aware of something the two have in common, share that because it might give them something to talk about.

Q: What about party guests? How long should they stay?

A: It could be 15 to 20 minutes, just to say hello and congratulations and drop off a gift or card. But a typical stay might be anywhere from a half-hour to maybe 60 minutes, depending on the person’s relationship with the graduate.

Q: Is it OK to close down a party?

A: If you see the hosts are starting to collect the garbage, that is your hint they are winding down. It’s perfectly OK to stay until the end if you offer to help.

Q: It’s nice to write a personalized message in a card, but it can be hard to know what to say. Do you have suggestions?

A: The closer the relationship with the person, the easier it is to write a meaningful message by incorporating an example of something you know about them. But if it’s someone you don’t know well, it’s OK to get ideas from the internet and edit them to fit the graduate.

Q: For example?

A: It could be as simple as something like, “Congratulations on your recent graduation. We’re so happy for you and look forward to the great things you’ll do in the future.”

Q: What’s your advice on gifts?

A: Gifts are not expected, but they are typical. Cash is a big one, and I think most young people greatly appreciate it. Gift cards can also be really helpful, as well as practical gifts, such as professional clothing for an interview, or luggage or things for an apartment or dorm. You could certainly ask the graduate or their close family members for ideas.

Q: How much cash do you recommend people give?

A: Give whatever is comfortable and within your budget, and know that whatever you give, it will be so appreciated. But if someone is an acquaintance or a neighbor, between $20 to $50 is typical. If it’s a close family friend or relative, it could be anywhere from $50 to $100 on up.

Q: Do you have ideas for more sentimental or personal gifts?

A: It could be a framed photo, or some other kind of keepsake, like jewelry. Or experience gifts, such as something for travel, or tickets to an event or a museum they would enjoy. It can also be a good idea to add a little piece of advice or words of wisdom or encouragement to your note.

Q: What’s your thank-you protocol?

A: Ideally, graduates will send a thank-you note within two to three weeks of receiving the gift, but it’s better late than never. As an etiquette teacher, I would absolutely recommend a handwritten card. Texting is kind of informal for such an important milestone.

Q: What can a graduate write to communicate their gratitude and social maturity?

A: So you say, “Thank you” for whatever it is, and then you say a little bit more about it, like how you plan to use the gift. And then say something positive about the other person, such as, “I hope to see you again soon,” or “I hope you have a great time on that trip to Arizona,” so it’s focused on the recipient.