It's Not About The Yacht! (It's About The Yacht)
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been friends with someone for 12 years. We used to do everything together, and were even roommates for a while.
Then she met a wealthy guy at the coast. I have met him a handful of times, and he always seems nice. They are now married and live on a yacht.
My husband and I spend most of our summer vacations at the same coastal town where they live. They have invited many people to come and spend weekends with them on the boat; however, we have never been invited. Not even when we are in town for a week. Not for so much as a glass of wine.
It's not about the boat, it's just that I feel that something is off. Maybe her husband doesn't like us, but she would never tell me that.
They invite us to their children's weddings (and there have been many), and we always show up with a gift in hand. They only invite us to events where we feel obligated to bring gifts; my friend never wants to get together and just catch up with each other.
Is it time to give up and accept that we are no longer friends?
GENTLE READER: But you are still friends, or you would not be invited to family occasions. Please save that common accusation about gift-grabbing for invitations from people you hardly know.
The fact is that many friendships do change in intensity over the years. It could be that the husband feels less compatible with you and your husband. It could be that instead of his making an effort to know you, they have just not thought of adding you to their joint circle. It could be that as you are already staying in their town, they don't think of having you as houseguests on the yacht. And it could be any number of other reasons.
Miss Manners suspects that you think it has to do with their money. Why? And in that case, why would you think them eager to squeeze a wedding present out of you?
It is not time to give up; it is time to realize that you are not as close as you once were -- and could be again, someday.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I would love your thoughts on how to respond firmly to these statements.
1. I have three well-behaved children, but when we go anywhere, people remark, "You have your hands full." It's said with a negative tone. I love my kids and don't want them to hear unwelcome remarks.
2. My husband is a larger person, and oftentimes, random strangers will call him "big guy" or "boss." I think it's rude to draw attention to his size.
GENTLE READER: In both cases: "Oh, thank you."
Miss Manners promises that no one will dare explain that their comment was not intended as a compliment.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I occasionally email businesses for matters such as product information. What is the correct salutation to use when the recipient, and their gender, is unknown? "To whom it may concern" seems cold.
GENTLE READER: Just how warm are your feelings for these businesses and their unknown representatives? Miss Manners promises you that no one will feel lovelorn if you use that business salutation.
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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2025 Judith Martin
COPYRIGHT 2025 JUDITH MARTIN
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